Tag Archives: love

“i said it because i love you”

25 Apr

This is probably one of the sentences people say that I loathe the most. It sounds like it has good intention, but it sounds more like the person doesn’t want to admit his mistake openly while giving the impression of him apologizing.

Come to think about it, I don’t know other sentences that I would say I hate, maybe it would be “you smell like diarrhea.”

So the first time I heard the backhanded sentence happened back when I was in high school. A few of us guys from the church went with our youth pastor to a Christian weekend conference that was about an hour and a half from where I lived. While we waited in the Jack in the Box drive-thru for breakfast, I remember light-heartedly complaining about something, the food maybe? And the youth pastor snapped. What he said next remains hazy, and it was to the effect of “stop your complaining.” Yet it was the tone he used that stood out; it was like a split-second hurricane that came out of nowhere in the clear sky. Harsh and unexpected. Like bringing up a storm to knock over some Jenga blocks. All of us guys remained quiet until we arrived at the conference for the second day.

The following Sunday after the youth service, he walked up to me, made some small talk and then said, “D.L., I said it because I love you.” And a hug. It felt awkward because he had only been serving for about three or four months. At the time though, I felt confused and thought it was somehow my fault.

In the right circumstance, this phrase might be helpful. Maybe one of those heavy, poignant moments when someone has to tell an uncomfortable truth and does care about the person he’s telling it to.

Yet to say this phrase as a half-baked apology is like giving someone with a headache laxatives.

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i quit online dating

14 Feb

Recently, I decided to stop searching for love online.

While it has become a growing trend and becoming more acceptable to say “we met online,” I rather want to have that traditional love story, the one where you meet that special somebody, in person.

When it comes to browsing online personals, it’s the same process. Scroll down the list of potentials, click the ones that intrigue you, type a thoughtful message, and click to send. Scroll, click, type, click, and repeat until it’s three in the morning.

One day, as I was reviewing my profile, a thought hit me. Sure, the details I included were accurate, but the profile looked like it was enjoying life more than I actually was. I was doing my best to present myself as appealing as steak & lobster when I was just being a lonely couch potato.

*

Waiting can be uncomfortable, especially for the twentysomething like myself. A canister of hormones and longings, shaken but not stirred. Being raised in an instant gratification generation where meals can be microwaved in four minutes makes online dating all the more appealing.

Back in first year of college, Yahoo! Personals was the first I tried with its free seven day trial. I contacted a girl, and while she was unable to message back (she was not using premium), she only managed to wink at me. Nothing came out of it.

Next, I dabbled on Craigslist, looking for love, and reader, please don’t be this desperate. I found a girl who by some chance was in the same college and dorm as me. I felt uneasy and became paranoid of the fact that someone I met on the Internet was there in the same place as me. Too soon.

Then two years later, I braved onto eHarmony where I filled an eternity-long survey. I was shown a few matches, who weren’t interested in me. I never bothered to try its trial. And I still want my refund on my time spent on those questions back.

At one moment in time, I tried Plenty of Fish. It was kind of shady; the website looked like it was from the 1990’s. Too much white space, the placement of text and photos was poorly done. I don’t recall finding anyone on there during my time there.

Then my friend Albert told me about OKCupid. Of all the online dating site, I would say this would be the one to consider. It’s free, a few ads, and stylish interface. There is a match percentage determined by the questions you answer. I used it on and off. I met some cool people on there, and yes, I found someone to go out with, which didn’t last long.

Then later, he told me about Skout, online dating app for smartphones, and told me how his friend had found his girlfriend. Good for them; however, I’m sorry, but it came off sleazy, like a man wearing a trench coat whispers, “looking this love?” Presents and coin system? I didn’t recall this being an RPG game. It also bombarded me with too many pictures at once (and the pictures women took of themselves looked, well, questionable). Same went for Zoosk, which I also tried out. Pretty much the same as Skout.

I came across How About We, and I must say the concept is straight-to-the-point: find suggested dates or propose your own. No personality compatibility offered, but there are categories to mark religious and political beliefs and some room to type some self-description. The interface is sleek, which is similar to using Twitter.

And maybe there’s blogs. Who knows, it could bring two hopeless romantics together. Okay, I’m not putting my hope on this one at all. Still doesn’t feel any better to say “we met while blogging.”

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My greatest fear is that I will end up settling for less.

The fear that I will have to overlook a woman’s less desirable qualities (i.e. deal breakers) by having rose-colored lens surgically implanted in my eyes. Then if I’m still feeling discontent, I’ll have a heart transplant for a plastic one with a milk chocolate filling so that I’ll always have happy thoughts even if I get cavities in my mouth as a side effect. To only focus on being a Decent Boyfriend rather than Being Myself.

(Also, an equally frightening thought is that the woman decides to settle for less and chooses me. How she would never see the real me because she would be looking through rosy lens.)

My friend Joon recently got married to a wonderful woman last November, and I had the privilege of being his best man. While I’m happy for them, I can’t help but to feel envious of his love story because it’s the one I want to have: the couple first met while working at the dorm cafeteria (boy meets girl); Joon stopped working and they didn’t see each other for six months (boy loses girl); then at a block party event they bump into each other (boy gets girl), and went out for five years.

*

Yet, my greatest hope is that I will meet that Special Lady.

Maybe my love story won’t have enough twists and turns to rival How I Met Your Mother, but I’m going to tell this legend to my kids one day as they are having cookies and milk. Probably won’t be as exciting since I’m not the type to frequent bars and clubs — having one-night stands, fighting in the alley, and getting tramp stamps. Well, there might some sushi bars and book clubs involved.

I do have a list of what I’m looking for, but I can’t disclose that sensitive information on this blog. You might have lucked out by coming across my online personal in the past, and if you did, that’s kind of coincidentally creepy.

Well, until the Special Lady and I meet, I’ll keep myself occupied, making most of this season of singleness. Well enough that when she sees me, it won’t be an expired bag of potato chips, but a classy gentleman inviting her to dinner, steak & lobster.