stuck between Kor and Amer

12 Dec

Recently, Macklemore’s song “Vipassana”, the tune and lyrics, has been rocking my mind. My thoughts danced to the tune and flow. Years of academics tell me I need to run them through dry outlines, revisions and double-checking and also I should OD on being OCD when I have these thoughts to muse: run them through the rat maze until their juices dry up into wrinkly, unpublished drafts.

And it does suck having an obsessive compulsive order when it comes to locks and digits. I circle around double-check my car doors and windows like an awkward merry-go-round. Also checking and re-checking that the numbers on my timesheet and paperwork are correct. Math used to be a childhood favorite but now at times fill me with dread.

I was with my mom yesterday in the store that sells glasses and the Korean owner was quick to comment on my fumbling mother tongue. I couldn’t but to feel self-conscious as a K-A – proud of my spicy fermented cabbage roots and my red-white-and-blue upbringing – but instead my identity has gone MIA.

Shot down by ethnocentric critics and self-doubt, it’s hard to reconcile my golden yellow skin and the cream filling inside.

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